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Finding God in the Gaps When Your Relationship with Your Adult Daughter Hurts

There are some truths that can only be shared from a place of walking through the fire yourself. As your Christian Life Coach, I want to be transparent, I know the pain of the mother-adult daughter turbulent relationship, not from a textbook, study guide or someone else's words or story but from my own home where it began over 16 years ago when my daughters was just 17 years old. A bad dream of the teenage years that I have not awaken from in over 16 years and my then teenage daughter has now become a grown woman. Every time my phone lights up with my daughter's name, my heart and insides still does a little dance between hope and anxiety, wondering which conversation awaits us once I answer the phone. To be honest most times I have to let the phone go to voicemail and call her back later, just so I can say a prayer beforehand because most times it ends with her saying things like "I just want to curse you out" in the event that I have possibly said something that does not line up with what she feels my response should have been to her request.


It's this very personal journey that led me to Christian Life Coaching, Specializing In Coaching Women, Mothers Uniquely in Turbulent Relationships with their Adult Daughters. When other mothers sit across from me, sharing their stories of miscommunication, heartache, and that deep yearning to connect with their adult daughters, I'm not just listening and nodding professionally, I'm listening and nodding with understanding and empathy.


But here's what God has been teaching me, and what I now share with my clients. Our healing can't wait for our daughters participation. This isn't giving up, it's giving it fully over to God. Ref. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on God as He care for you.


I still remember the early morning that this truth hit home. After yet another difficult conversation with my daughter the day before, I found myself down on my knees in prayer, crying before the Lord in the wee hours of the morning in my prayer room which is my living room. When I arose, I found myself standing in front of my fireplace and God allowed me to be standing right in front of the mirror, with a reflection of me alone. God gently shifted my focus and I heard as clear as ones voice to my ear "What if it's you I have to change to bring about the change?", it seemed that God was letting me know, "this season is actually about your growth".


This revelation changed everything about my approach to coaching mothers through similar struggles. We often come to coaching wanting strategies to fix our relationships with our adult daughters. But God often has a deeper work in mind, one that starts with us.


Here's what I've learned, both personally and through walking alongside other mothers:

  • When we anchor ourselves in God's love and Word first, we stop looking to our daughters to fill gaps only He can fill. Our worth isn't measured by the warmth of our last interaction or whether our calls go to voicemail when we call her.

  • The most profound healing often happens when we focus on our own spiritual journey, regardless of whether our daughters choose to walk alongside us in this season or not. This isn't selfish, it's stewardship of our own well being.


Some days, a win looks like setting loving boundaries and being okay when they're not well received. Other days, it's finding joy in the Lord even though you know the relationship is turbulent or strained. It is possible that I have been on this journey longer than you and it may seem like I have mastered it, but I'm still learning as student of the Lord, right alongside you.


As your Christian Life Coach, I won't offer you platitudes or quick fixes. Instead, I offer you companionship and directness from someone who understands the ache and has found God faithful in the midst of it. Together, we'll explore how to nurture your relationship with God first, finding peace and purpose within yourself regardless of your daughter's response.


Remember, your journey with God is valid and valuable, independent of any other relationship. When we focus on allowing Him to transform us, we often find ourselves better equipped for whatever lies ahead, whether that's renewed relationship or continued waiting with grace and waiting well.


You're not on an isolated island alone on this journey. As someone who walks this path daily, I can testify that God's work in your heart matters, even when the outward circumstances haven't changed yet. Let's explore together how to find peace and purpose in His presence first. Let's do the work together!


💫Share with every mother you know.


 
 
 

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